Sweet Baby Paige

We are so happy to announce that our sweet baby Paige Merelyn was born on August 8, and was placed with our family by her brave birth parents on August 10th.  There are so many sacred details and tender mercies in this whole experience that I am forever grateful for.  I don't have much time (because obviously I'd rather be holding that baby than sitting here typing), but there are a few things that I wanted to capture and document here.

Paige was born late on a Thursday night.  It was a very fast and furious delivery. I was invited to visit the next day- it was so wonderful to meet this tiny, precious girl for the first time, and I am so grateful that her birth parents allowed me that special time, even though they were trying to soak up every precious moment they had with her.

Saturday we headed in to our agency to complete some paperwork and then we were again graciously invited to come by the hospital as a family to visit Paige.  They were so good to us.  I love John's face in this picture as he too met his little girl for the first time.

 And the boys...oh cute.  Robby jumped right in and wanted to hold her.  Tyler was very hesitant.  He told us later that he was scared.  I totally respect that.  He was unsure about how to hold something so delicate and small, and with a few onlookers, it was just too much.  But he sat by quietly and took it all in.

 Because sate law states that the birth parents can't sign papers until 48 hours after birth, we left the hospital with plans to return late that night for placement (Saturday).  

For anyone who has ever taken part of an adoption placement, you will know that it will forever change you.  Forever.  You have never seen bravery, love, sacrifice, and sorrow like that.  It is like nothing else.  There are so many precious moments and memories from that event that I will hold dear to my heart.  John and I held each other and sobbed big, heavy tears out in the hall at the hospital while relinquishment papers were signed.  I am humbled beyond words by this brave act.  

We said our good-byes and made plans to get together soon for dinner with the birth parents- open adoption is so good.  It helps all of our hearts heal in a healthy way.  And then we parted.  

John and I arrived home (keep in mind, this is very late at night...like midnight).  Our sweet baby-sitter offered to snap several pictures and some video of our first few moments home.  I would love to say that we were calm, peaceful and just like seasoned, experienced parents, but the truth is we looked like bumbling idiots.  I have forgotten how small tiny babies are!

We finally got the groove with a diaper change and a bottle and then we tried to wrap our brains around the beautiful reality that this baby is with our family.  Home.

The boys woke up the next morning, eager to meet their new baby sister and to see if indeed she had arrived while they were sleeping.  Tyler settled right in this time around.

 And both boys spent the morning making sure I was up to date on when Paige needed a diaper change.

 She is so darling, we can hardly keep our eyes off of her.

 Life is good.

I love adoption

As many of our family and friends already know, we will be adopting a baby girl this August!  The Lord certainly works in miraculous and marvelous ways.  A lot of people have asked about the details of this adoption, so I'll give the brief explanation here, but some details are sacred, and we'll keep some of those to ourselves.
A few months ago when we received the impression that we should no longer pursue the infertility procedures that we were considering, and that rather we should pursue adoption, we felt we needed to act with a sense of urgency.  If there is one thing I've learned about family and adoption, it's that the Lord is in the very details of it all, so we got our feet moving.  We made an appointment, and within that first week, we had cranked out a majority of the paperwork and had outlined our plan of attack for the rest (the amount of paperwork can easily take a little over 3 months).  A week later, I was asked by our Bishop to serve as the Primary President in our ward (leader of the children's organization at our church).  I had assumed that our sense of urgency to get the paperwork going was because once I started in my calling, I wouldn't have as much time to put into our profile.  I was grateful for the prompting to get started, but still felt like there was more to it than just that.
A few weeks later, as we were completing some of the last bits of our home study, I got a call from my dear friend, Jen.  She knew of our adoption plan and had called to inform me that her sweet cousin was expecting, and was considering placing through LDS Family Services (our same adoption agency).  Jen asked if she could share our profile with her cousin.  I explained that our home study was in the process of being approved, which meant our profile wasn't up on the website yet, but with the approval of our caseworker, I sent Jen a little packet with a letter and several pictures of our family for her to send along to her cousin.
Weeks later, I met Jen's cousin and later we met her boyfriend,  and we began corresponding.  John and I were constantly filled with a calm, peaceful assurance.  We were so impressed with our new friends and their desire to explore every option and find the very best fit for their baby.  And not to mention, we just enjoyed them and getting to know them.  They are fantastic, wonderful people.
After several weeks of getting to know each other, we received a package in the mail from "M" letting us know she would like us to be the family for her baby girl.  We were humbled, grateful, and very excited.  Words really can't describe how the emotions that we went through, and some of those emotions are too private to share here.  Suffice it to say, we are thrilled.
As you can imagine, our relationship is very open, casual and easy.  As always, we are big believers in the many benefits of open adoption.  You can read about some of my thoughts Here and Here.
I love adoption.  I am truly grateful to be a part of such a miraculous process.  No doubt, God had his hand in all of this.  I continually stand in awe of amazing birth mothers everywhere who place the happiness of their child above that of their own.  It is truly remarkable, and I am grateful to witness that type of sacrifice and love.
Thanks for all your support, prayers, and excitement.  We are truly grateful!
Miracles happen.

Birth Mother's Day

Yesterday was Birth Mother's Day, and it turns out that Hallmark finally got on board with that and designed a few cards for the occasion, but it turns out they underestimated how popular the cards would be and sold out shortly after the cards arrived.  Never underestimate adoption.  

The love experienced in an adoption is life changing.  It is bigger than a Hallmark card can ever express, but I'm glad they finally at least tried.

Words really can't express how we feel about birth mothers.  But I will tell you this, you can't ask John about Tyler's birth mother and not get him choked up.  Every time.  What she did for Tyler and for us as a family is sacred.  The years have passed, but the sacredness of that decision she made will have an impact for eternity.  We know Tyler will forever be blessed because of her, but we also know he will forever be linked to her...and so will we.  Love can be a powerful force in linking people and bringing their hearts together forever.

I love this video (sorry if the link doesn't work perfectly, but it is worth a minute or two).  It is my hope that one day Tyler will express to his birth mother some of the sentiments felt in this song- that one day he will say to her, "I'm so grateful that I had this life.  When you gave me up, you gave everything to me."

(although, if you know me, you know I hate the phrase "gave up for adoption." We prefer "placed for adoption," but hey, I'll give him that for artistic licence)

Adoption is amazing.

And we are thrilled with the decision we have made as a family to pursue another adoption in hopes of expanding our family through another miraculous journey.  

Our paperwork is finally complete, and we should be approved with a profile on the LDS Family Services website in just a few short weeks.  

We are excited...and hopeful. 

Spring Break 2013 (Palo Duro Canyon)

This year for spring break we headed to Palo Duro Canyon.  Did you know that the second largest canyon in America is located right here in Texas!?  Who knew!  This place was absolutely perfect for what we wanted to accomplish.

We got there on Thursday and did some exploring before setting up camp.

 After researching this place online (thank you youtube), we decided it would be a perfect trip to try some mountain biking.  Tyler recently got a new bike with gears and some front suspension, so we thought we'd give it a try!  John and I only own road bikes, so we stopped in Amarillo and rented mountain bikes for the two of us, and we brought Robby's tag-along attachment.  It was PERFECT!

Our first full day there, we set out for the lighthouse.  If you look just to the right of Tyler's helmet in the picture below, you can see the lighthouse feature to which we were biking.

Everyone did fantastic!  Tyler really handled it all so well.  He followed right behind John, and I rode behind him giving him little tips and directions along the way.  He surprised me several times when he would gear down and motor up a really steep hill, or when he would tackle a very technical, rocky portion.  He rocked it!  And Robby held on and pedaled like a champ!  I loved it when he would stand on the pedals for a bum break.  He looked so little perched on his bike with his skinny legs and slender bum.  

The last 1/4 of a mile of the trail isn't accessible by bike so we locked them up and started our hike.  The boys loved climbing over these big rocks.

 Here we are, we made it!

 And of course, John had to scare me to death by climbing to the VERY top (yes, that's him on top of the lighthouse).

I could tell that they boys felt proud of what they had accomplished, and Robby loved hearing the other hikers talk about how cool his bike was as he rode past.  I was grateful that we were able to cover so much ground in a reasonable amount of time.  If we would have hiked that trail, we probably wouldn't have made it all the way to the lighthouse...or maybe not without lots of complaining and a few piggy back rides.

The next day, we did some more exploring and a few smaller hikes.  One hike took us to a really cool, small cave.

 Climbing up all those boulders was the perfect adventure for these boys.

 And when we got to the top, we were rewarded with cool (almost chilly temperatures) in that cave.  Tyler and I wondered how many Indians over the centuries had sought refuge from the brutal Texas heat in the summer here.

 We climbed around the back side and then down into the top shelf of the cave too.  It is so weird to feel all this cool air coming from inside the cave.

We spent a little time checking out the visitor's center and some of the popular viewpoints.  Pretty cool!  We enjoyed being able to leave our campsite by bike to see some of the various attractions.  It made getting around super easy...and fun! 

 The temperatures were quite honestly perfect.  We have had an unseasonably cool spring here and just two weeks before spring break, this place got over a foot of snow, so we were actually worried it would be a bit cold.  The day time temps were perfect.  Mid to upper 70's and at night it got into the upper 30's brrrrrr! But that was perfect for cuddling.  On the first morning there, John and Tyler woke up early and headed out to start breakfast.  When John returned later to see if Robby and I were awake, this is how he found us...both snuggled together in one mummy bag.  Neither of us was brave enough to get out.  It was a bit cold.

Another exciting part of our camping experience happened on our last night.  At about 3 in the morning, John and I were awoken by a pack of coyotes  VERY near by.  We could hear them barking and howling like crazy.  We looked at each other and hoped that we weren't what they were getting so excited about!

 Our last day there, we wanted to do one last longer biking excursion.  We knew the trail we had picked out might prove to be a bit too technical for our group, but we wanted to give it a go anyway. 

 It was AMAZING.  The trail was so dynamic and interesting, but it did prove to be a bit too difficult.  We biked some parts and walked our bikes through others.  There was one point where the trail got very narrow with a steep drop off one side and very poky cacti on the other.  It made my mamma bear heart very nervous to watch all my boys bike through some very difficult terrain.  I would see Robby holding on for dear life as the bike would tip and tilt when John maneuvered it around tight corners or over large boulders.

 We finally decided it would be best to enjoy this trail by foot, so we locked up the bikes and headed out.  It was definitely worth seeing, and I'm glad we continued; although, John and I secretly wished we could ditch our kiddos and attempt this cool trail on the bikes :0

It was very neat, and I was again very proud of everyone for attempting something that was difficult and challenging.  I could tell that Tyler really felt a sense of accomplishment, and Robby just felt cool cruising along on the back of Dad's bike.

I wish I would have taken more videos of them pedaling and grinning from ear to ear, but this and one other sketchy video is about all I got.  Bummer.

It was absolutely one of our favorite memories as a family.  I love getting my kids away from the hustle and bustle of life and escaping to be together.  I loved watching them scamper and run, climb and play, explore and experience.  I loved quiet moments in the tent discussing our epic adventures of the day.  I loved being together in nature and experiencing the grandness of God's creations.  

This is what memories are made of.

What's been making me happy...

Cuddles.  Oh, goodness, I love a good cuddle.  I am not afraid to bribe my boys for a good cuddle session, but on this particular occasion, they required no bribing.  Lucky for me, we did a lot of this over the Christmas break while watching Christmas movies.  I can't think of anything better in the world.

 Tyler.  Some of the things this boy does just makes me happy.  One morning during Christmas break, he put his shoes on and went out for a run.  When he came back I noticed he was carrying something in his hand.  I couldn't quite figure out what it was until he came inside.  It was a kitchen timer.  When I asked him about it, he told me that he wanted to keep track of how long he ran.  Who needs a GPS watch when you can have a kitchen timer?!  So funny!

 My calling.  After being released from Young Women's, I was bummed, but I knew it was time for me to serve in scouts.  It was so great!

 I mean what could be so bad about a calling where this is totally acceptable.  Love those boys, and miss them as now I have a new calling.  I didn't get to serve in there for nearly long enough, and seeing as my new calling is waaaaay over my head, I wish I could go back to scouts.  It was much more manageable   

 Family fun night.  Lately we've been watching episodes of Cake Boss on Netflix.  John had seen enough fondant creations that he was pretty sure he could do it himself.  So, instead of making a cake to decorate, we just used rice krispy treats, because it was quicker...plus the Cake Boss does it all the time!  It was pretty fun.

John.  John just makes me happy.  He doesn't get enough recognition on this blog because I mostly post about our kids, but this guy makes me happy.  Marrying him was the best decision I ever made.  He is so good to me and loves me perfectly, and he is the BEST dad.  He plans fun activities and games and genuinely enjoys interacting with our boys.  He tries to think of ways to teach them life lessons while they are young and he is fully involved in their lives.  

Here he is making treats with the boys.  John has become quite the baker.  John works in nursery at our church (watching him interact so sweetly and genuinely with those little ones makes me fall in love with him all over.  I mean, how many guys do you know will say to you after church, "I need to think of a way to transition from snack time to lesson time better.  Can you help me think of something?" or "I finally got Cade to stop climbing on the piano!")  Anyway, one of the other nursery leaders is a master baker.  All of her kids are grown and gone so she is attending culinary school, and the woman can BAKE.  She was always bringing treats for the kids and even bigger and better treats for the adults in nurser.  It was a great symbiotic relationship.  She loves to bake, John loves to eat!  He learned little tips and tricks from her and now he can bake the best chocolate chip cookies you've ever had...and don't even get me started on his mint chocolate chip cookies...to die for!

 Here he is teaching Tyler how to play Monopoly.  I told him that I did not have that kind of patience, but he told me he thought it would be good for Tyler to see how money works.  He even threw in some lessons on loans and interest.  John also instituted Tyler's weekly allowance and each week Tyler has to bring his ledger and they go over tithing, allowance, and savings.  Again, I'm so impressed with John's patience, and I love how he thinks of principles that he wants to teach his kids and then finds ways to teach them.

 Basketball season.  It's over now, but I loved going to Tyler's games and practices.  There's just something so fun about watching your child develop their skills and talents.  

 Brothers.  These two can wrestle and fight until someone cries and they can play together so sweetly that it melts my heart.  A few days ago, they came downstairs and were collecting supplies- backpacks, crayons, pencils, books, paper.  When I asked what they were up to, they told me they were playing school.  I couldn't help by lurk at the door and eavesdrop.  They were so dang cute.  Tyler was the teacher and Robby was was the student.  Tyler was so encouraging and helpful and Robby was loving every minute of it.  You could see him try to contain his eager excitement.  I loved watching Tyler help Robby write the alphabet and a few numbers and I reacted with genuine excitement when they would both come and show me Robby's graded papers.  

 So there you have it, just a few things that are making me happy these days.

a special day and special visitors

Just a few days after Christmas, John's parents flew into town to be with us for Tyler's special day.  Tyler chose to be baptized and we were so happy to support and love him on this special occasion.

Don't you just love the black eye.  He got that from wrestling with his little brother.  Everyone told me I could Photoshop it out.  No way, I totally want to remember him like this- dressed in white, looking all clean and pure with a big old black eye, indicative of a recent scrap with his brother.  Ha!  Now if only Robby's lip that had been split open in a similar wrestling brawl hadn't already healed from the week before...then we'd have ourselves a Carson family photo!

 I told him I will take another picture exactly like this one when he leaves for his mission, except he will be much, much bigger (boo hoo).

 It was so neat watching Tyler get baptized, but it was even more special to watch him make the decision to be baptized.  I was touched by how seriously he took it.  Several months before the date, he was actually quite hesitant about the whole thing.  As we discussed things with him, it became apparent that his hesitancy came from the fact that he understood what a big deal this was and that it really was the first big decision he would have to make for himself.  I was impressed with how he understood that this wasn't just something he was going to do on a Saturday morning in December, but that it would be the beginning of a commitment to his Savior.  It has truly been a delight to watch him mature in his decision making and in other areas of his life.  He is such a great little boy.  I am so blessed and honored to be his mom.

John's parents stayed for a few days and we enjoyed every minute of it.

Robby and Nani cooked in the kitchen.

 We got together frequently with the cousins.

 We went to the trampoline park

We began a new tradition of watching movies and working on a puzzle on new year's eve.  We finished it up the next morning, and then... 

we went to get donuts...because you can't work on a donut puzzle and not eat donuts!

(I think donuts on new years day morning might be my new favorite tradition)  

 And then we had to stick with an old tradition...

DEMOLITION DAY!

New Year's Day is demolition day at our house.  Out with the old, right?  So it's time to destroy the gingerbread houses that we made.

 I particularly like this candy cane bicycle that John made

 This year we decided to drop some of them off a ladder, 

 and then use some of them for aim practice.

(John's siblings will love this picture of John's mom)

You can't see the gingerbread houses, but they are lined up and ready to be demolished by a speeding fast ball.

so there you have it.  Christmas vacation in a nut shell.  It was a good one!