Money can't buy you happiness

...But it can buy you a leather rocker/recliner lazy boy. And when you're 6 months pregnant, that just might equal happiness.

My ever expanding tummy was getting in the way of story time. We frequently had to resort to "the sailboat" method (thanks for the idea, Joleen).

A few thoughts

As I promised before, I'd like to dedicate a portion of this blog to adoption and adoption awareness, so I thought I'd share a few thoughts with you. Over the years, we've received many questions and comments that could be taken as offensive or insensitive. I'm not very easily offended and I typically see the comments as the person meant them- simply innocent questions or concerns. It is my belief that if someone wanted to hurt my feelings, they would just come right out and do it rather than pose simple, innocent questions. However, having had lots of conversations with fellow adoptive couples, I am well aware of some things that would be appropriate to say or avoid saying in order to be more sensitive to adoptive couples as well as couples who are struggling with infertility.

So here are a few thoughts and suggestions:

1. When a couple informs you of their interest in adoption or their decision to adopt, never respond with, "That's great. I'm sure once you adopt or get your paperwork done, you'll get pregnant right away." Yes this does happen frequently for reasons unknown (and PLEASE NEVER, NEVER, NEVER use me as an example of this happening), it really actually isn't the norm. More importantly, it completely negates the sacredness of the decision this family is considering. Each time I was told this, I felt that the person didn't value my decision to adopt. I felt they saw adoption as a means to becoming pregnant. I saw it as a beautiful gift. Furthermore, you just may never know of the medical complications involved in a couple's infertility issues. It may just be that this couple will really never be able to conceive. And quite possibly they have mourned that loss and are ready to move on. Yes, I do believe miracles happen (obviously), however, it's not fair to think that just because it's happened to some couples, it will happen to all. Most importantly, when a couple tells you of their decision to adopt, be thrilled for them, express interest in the process, and offer to help in any way you can.

2. I am very frequently told that Tyler looks a lot like John and I and that "you can't even tell he's adopted." My typical reaction is, "Yep, he fits!" Because he sure does...he's our son. But what I'm really thinking is, "C'mon, he doesn't look that much like us and so what if he didn't?" I mean really, would he be less "OURS" if he didn't resemble us? There are thousands of families out there like this cute family or like this one who have chosen to adopt trans racially. Their cute kids look nothing like them, so does it really matter? I don't think so. So while you may think it's really wonderful when an adopted child looks like his/her adoptive parents, I tend to think that it really doesn't matter.

3. I often get questions about Tyler's birth mother- I think that curiosity is very natural and I've never been asked anything disrespectful about her (thank goodness because you'd probably see the "mama bear" side of me in a very ugly way). But I am always surprised at how nervous people still are about open adoptions. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this that I'll probably save for another post. My advice to you when you find out a couple is adopting and they have an open relationship with the birth parents is to go ahead and ask questions and express interest, but do not express your concern. Adoptive families are well aware of the risks (both emotional and legal) involved in any adoption situation, regardless of whether the adoption is open or closed. Each couple is different and will deal with those risks in their own way. The most important thing is to follow their lead and be excited and supportive. No need to put all of your worries and concerns on their shoulders.

4. Of course now that I'll have an adoptive son and a biological son, I'm sure there will be other interesting experiences to come, but guess what? I'm not worried about it. They will both be "mine." I do cringe a little when people say, "Now you'll have a child of your own." Ummm, here's an update, Tyler is "my own." Now like I say, I know people don't mean any harm by that and they usually just mean that I'll have a biological child and will get to experience pregnancy, but really I don't see it as any different than having an adoptive child. For a mother that has one child through natural child birth and another through c-section, she doesn't love the one more than the other. Just because my boys will have come to our family by different means, doesn't mean I'll love them or treat them any differently.

5. I think I've mentioned this before, but I'd also like to share with you a reference chart for appropriate adoption language. Go here to view it. I didn't know all of this lingo before we adopted, so I know was guilty of using many of the negative terms. I'd mostly like to stress the difference between "is adopted" and "was adopted." Adoption is an event, not a characteristic. Tyler is our child and he was adopted over three years ago- he's not our "adopted son." I'd also like to point out the difference between "gave up a child for adoption" and "placed a child for adoption." I think that it is safe to say that most birth parents choose adoption and choose to place their baby in a loving family. They don't just simply "give a baby up."

Well, there ya go. Just a few thoughts that have been on my mind in the past. Just thought I'd pass it along to you!

Colorado and the 4th of July

I do realize that I am almost two weeks behind on posting, but that's about how I roll.

Here are a few of our favorite moments from our trip to Colorado. We visited John's sister Joleen and had a blast with her family. Her kids always do a super job of keeping us entertained. We are so glad they were such good sports to hang out with us "old people" for a week.

We visited a butterfly museum and some of us tried our hand at this (I would not be one of those people, but check out my brave little entomologist!).

Others of us tried to stay cool in the humid "rain forest" filled with butterflies (the look on Tyler's face says it all).

We also did a bit of this at an amusement park up in the canyon:

(Notice Tyler giving the "thumbs up" sign with his pointer fingers).

And made sure to do plenty of this afterwards:

We also enjoyed beautiful scenes like this:

We made sure to make time for lots of goofing around:

(This is John and Jake making a Lego robot that was programmed to light the explosives located in the watermelon that was to explode for the fourth of July "cul de sac of fire"...So glad John has always found a partner in crime- Thanks Jake!)

Of course, we all had to try a bit of this:

Here is Tyler's version of Guitar Hero. He doesn't really know the difference between a guitar and a violin. If you look closely, you'll notice he's stroking his little fingers like a violin. Who knows maybe someday "air violin" will be all the rage.

John had a chance to go hiking with this handsome crew:

And he did the entire hike wearing a pink backpack with the name Jann embroidered on the pocket. Way to go Jann!

And of course, no Fourth of July would be complete without a bit of this:

Good times, good food, good fun! Thanks Joleen and family!

Happy Birthday!!!

I know someone who is one year older and wiser too...

Ummm.....Maybe just one year older.

Happy birthday, Nany! We love you very much!

Families are Forever

I realize it's been a while since my last post, but we've been busy. We just got back last night from our week long trip to Colorado- I'll post more about that later, of course. But for today, I wanted to take a moment to recognize a special day for our family. It was three years ago today that we were able to take Tyler to the temple to be sealed as an eternal family.

I remember the feelings of excitement and gratitude as we set off for the Mt Timpanogos Temple that beautiful summer morning. I have such tender feelings about that day. We were so blessed to be surrounded by family and friends who had so lovingly supported us.

Tyler was adorable all dressed in his white outfit with his chubby little legs and darling white shoes that his birth mother had given him. I can remember being overcome with emotion when the sweet temple workers brought him into the sealing room to join us for the ceremony. He was peaceful and calm, but all smiles as he usually was.

It has occurred to me many times over the past three years how sacred that day was. Without the blessings of the restored priesthood keys, we all would be individuals living as families on earth, but not have that same blessing or right for eternity.

It has also occurred to me over the past three years how blessed we are to have our sweet Tyler in our family...forever. Words can't express the kind of gratitude I have for his wonderful birth mother who made this all possible.

Adoption is sacred and beautiful. That's why I had such a hard time making the phone call to our caseworker when we found out we were expecting. I was too scared about the possible risks to be excited about the pregnancy, and yet I was no longer able to be considered for adoption. I went through a bit of a mourning process about the loss of another adoption opportunity. I was disappointed that we wouldn't have the thrill of being selected by another birth mother, I was sad to think that we wouldn't go to the temple again with our little ones, and I was uncertain about the road that was ahead of us- regardless of the fact that at one point in my life I wanted to travel this road so badly. It was a difficult time for me.

I've since come to feel okay about not adopting this time around and I'm starting to enjoy and savor the experience that I've been so blessed to have at this time in my life. I will always know that both of our boys joined our family in very miraculous and wonderful ways.

I love adoption-it's something I'm passionate about, and for that reason, I'll continue to be an adoption advocate. So in the future, you'll be seeing much more about adoption on my blog. I'd like to continue to spread a positive message about this topic- to shed some light on some aspects of it, and to help educate others about this miraculous way in which families and individuals are changed and blessed.