I know it's been a while since my last post, but I've been a bit busy doing this:

I'm really trying to savor every moment with this little guy. I think I realize this time around how quickly he'll grow up. Plus, this time around I'm also trying to divide my time between my two little guys- not just one. The dishes sit in the sink a little longer, the laundry piles up a little higher, and dinner literally gets put on the back burner. I'm loving every minute with this little angel. There is something so precious about these new little spirits sent so recently from heaven. I love his soft, wrinkly skin. I love kissing every inch of his tiny little cheeks. I love the sound of his lips smacking when it's time to eat. I love watching his gassy smiles in his sleep. I love the smell as I nestle my nose into his neck. I love the way his face grimaces and scrunches just before he starts to cry. I'm really in heaven.



Many of you have asked how Tyler is doing as "BIG brother." He's great. Really. He is soft and gentle. He gets concerned when Robby cries and says in his cutest baby voice, "Don't cry, baby. It will be okay." He also likes to sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" to calm Robby down. He is very helpful and quickly points out after he helps that he is a good big brother. I love it. He loves rubbing his cheek on Robby's head and was tickled pink when we were tucking him into bed the other night and we let Robby cuddle with him in his bed. That's not to say that we haven't had our moments, but all in all, I think Tyler is handling the adjustment beautifully.



I'll try to post more pictures, but for now, I gotta go have some cuddles.

Update

Who knew John was such a great blogger? I might have to have him contribute a post or two more often. Thanks everyone for all of your well wishes and congratulations. We appreciate your love and support.


We are one day shy of weathering our first full week as the parents of two cute kids. Here's how things have gone:




Grandma left yesterday. Tyler cried all the way home from the airport after dropping her off. He kept saying, "I weally, weally miss my grandma." I felt EXACTLY the same way. She was sooooo good to us, and we couldn't have survived without her. She cleaned, cooked, did laundry, held the baby, lifted my spirits, and entertained Tyler. She was such a good sport. She read several dozen of Tyler's favorite books, played games, watched cartoons, took trips to the park, and even let Tyler read his favorite toy catelogs in bed with her after he convinced her that it was only dark at 6:30 am because "it's cloudy today, Grandma" and not because it was way too early for him to be awake. Oh and not to mention the fact that she was a good sport and let Tyler help do her hair every day. We miss her already.




Here is a little bit more about what each of us have been up to this past week:

Tyler has discovered that he enjoys being a big brother and he is fantastic at it. My heart melts every time I see these two together. He has been good about respecting the boundaries we've set with the baby and he tries to be quite helpful. Whenever Robby is crying, he'll yell from wherever he is in the house, "Mom, the baby's crying!!!!" He loves giving Robby kisses on the head and smiles real big when it's his turn to hold the baby.







John has perfected the art of "super dad." He two does it all from moping floors to changing diapers. I'm just glad with all the added responsibilites he's had this past week, he still has a moment or two to enjoy sweet moments like this.

John has taken such good care of all of us. I am so appreciative of his gentle ways and his ability to assess our needs and meet them. I was so grateful to have him by my side during our hospital stay.

Love you, babe!


















Robby has had the endless job of keeping us entertained with his sweet cuteness. Who doesn't love simply sitting and holding a baby?

As for me, I discovered my new best friend this week.

All in all, we're doing pretty well.

Happy Halloween

Sorry, no explanations. I'm too busy. I need to go get ready for this thing I gotta do tomorrow...

We're having a baby!!!

Birthday #30 and Baby #2

Thursday night two of my dear friends, Jen and Kristina, threw me a surprise birthday bash/ baby shower. It was fabulous! Jen had to inform John of the surprise and earlier in the week John feared he had spilled the beans. Lucky for him, I am a little slow to piece things together. I thought I had figured out that Jen and Kris had invited a few extra friends out to ice cream instead of just the three of us going out to celebrate like they had told me. Little did I know that when we arrived at Jen's house to pick her up for our "ice cream outing," several of my sweet friends had gathered to surprise me. And surprised I was!!! It wasn't at all what I was expecting and what a fun change of plans. Although I was thrilled that we were still having ice cream because you just can't change food plans on a pregnant lady like that, especially when it comes to ice cream.

It was so fun to celebrate this little miracle with so many of my dear friends. I was touched by their outpouring of love and support, even though this is my second boy. I loved sorting through and looking at all of the adorable, soft blue baby things. It's like therapy for a very uncomfortable pregnant mommy. It's a sweet reminder that good things are soon to come!!!

I also enjoyed the "baby shower experience" with a different paradigm this time. For so many years, baby showers have been the source of some intense emotions. There were years when we were in the midst of our infertility struggles and it was all I could do to send a gift and my regrets that I wouldn't be able to attend. My feelings were just to raw to participate in such an event. It wasn't that I wasn't happy for the person, it's just that my happiness for that person was entangled too deeply with jealousy, hurt, confusion, desire, and sadness. The years passed and it became a little easier to learn to separate the emotions and set aside my despair and focus on the good.

Then along came Tyler. Of course this made attending the dreaded baby shower much, much easier. At least I had something in common with all the other mommies and I had the desire of my heart. It didn't hurt so badly to see all of those tiny, soft baby clothes and wonder how long I would have to wait in order to have such things for my baby. However, there was still one part of the baby shower that never got easier- the pregnancy and labor and delivery chitter chatter. I get it now. It's part of what we are there to celebrate. It's common to most every one there, and it is such an immensely interesting experience- you can't help but talk about it.

But there was a time when I likened this type of small talk to a trip to Egypt. I felt that every time I attended a baby shower, all of the other attendees had at one time or another been on a trip to Egypt. They talked about every aspect of their individual trips in detail. They compared experiences, events and feelings. And yet I had never been to Egypt, and as far as I knew, I wasn't going. I had come to terms with not going to Egypt because I had been someplace else for my trip, but I still felt the social awkwardness of not having had the same experience. Sure, I was still sad and a little jealous, but I was okay emotionally. I just hadn't figured out how to conquer the social awkwardness that I felt. I asked questions about Egypt and listened politely to every painstaking detail about everyone's trips, but didn't have a whole lot to contribute to the conversation.

So now I'm on my way to Egypt! I'm thrilled in every way possible. I loved my "other trip" but feel so blessed now to enjoy the fullness of experiences that life has to offer. I will always attend every baby shower with the thoughts and feelings and sensitivities that I used to harbor, especially as I consider many dear friends who may never enjoy the same experiences. Life sure is interesting with all of it's twists and turns.

Thanks again everyone for your well wishes and loving support!

Yahoo!

Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone for your wonderful advice, tips, and thoughts! I loved reading what you all had to say. It was SO helpful as I sort out all of this crazy stuff. If you have any more advice, feel free to keep it coming! Seriously ladies, this is why we blog!!! Love it.

I thought I'd update you on my quest for acquisition of all things baby and nursing. Yesterday I took a trip to Kid to Kid (the consignment store). I was dropping off a few things that we no longer needed, and I was curious to see if they had any of the items on my list. BINGO!!! I scored a gently used Bjorn carrier as well as a brand new baby sling still in it's original packaging. And not just any sling, the exact sling I was looking at online (hot slings). With my credit from the items I dropped off, the total was less than what I would have paid for the sling alone. I have amazingly good Karma when it comes to that store. I hardly ever go there, but when I do, I am amazed at how I score! I've popped in on two other occasions and found exactly what I was looking for down to the brand and color.

Oh, but it doesn't end there my friends. I was looking on Craigslist for a Madela breast pump. More good Karma!!! Posted just the day before is the exact Madela electric breast pump I've been eyeing for almost half the price (plus several extra parts, most of which are still in the original packaging). And even better, the lady only used it on weekends for 2 months, so it's practically new!!!

Yep, I'm thinking of changing my middle name to $, pronounced "cha-ching!!!"

By the way, one last thing. As I have been washing all of Tyler's baby clothes, I have discovered that Oxyclean works wonders (thanks for the tip, Alycia). I soaked the clothes for about 45 minutes in Oxyclean and then washed once more with a scoop more of Oxyclean and that Dreft baby detergent. Almost all of the spit-up stains (that weren't visible when I put the clothes away four years ago) have come out. There are a few things that are slightly discolored, but hardly noticable.
There, now I can feel like I've given back in some small way!

leg room

Dear Baby Boy,


It has been such a delight providing you room and board for the past several months. However, I am unable to accommodate your request for a little more leg room. Furthermore, I would very much appreciate it if you would not insist upon pushing your tiny, yet very strong legs against my already sore ribs. I fear that when you get a foothold on either side of my rib cage that you just might split my ribs in half, sending them flying in opposite directions.


I would appreciate your cooperation in this matter and look forward with much anticipation to meeting you soon.


Sincerely,


Mommy


PS. could we also look into another option for a pillow besides my bladder?

Check out his tiny, little legs sticking straight out. Is there really enough room for that?

8 months

My mom wanted to see a few pictures of my pregnancy, so here are a few belly shots for her and all the rest of the world to enjoy.

Things have been going fine. My doctor has me labeled as a "high risk" pregnancy, but that's only because of my infertility history. Apparently once my body gets pregnant, it knows just what to do. It's been nice though having a little extra face to face time with my doc as well as a few extra sonograms. I do enjoy seeing that little guy develop and grow. It's pretty crazy stuff!

As you can tell from the pictures, my belly hasn't really popped out there yet like I thought it would. No bowling ball tummy- just a big barrel or rather large humpty dumpty shape. There are some days when I really wish my tummy would just pop out and give me a little more room to, oh say...eat, breathe, and even bend a little (although, my posture is great because there is no room to slouch). My rib cage has expanded to about twice the size, I swear and some days I wonder if I'm going to break a rib (Bella Cullen can't be the only one, right...and if you don't know what I'm talking about, you seriously live in a cave). My ribs literally ache all the time.

But you know what? I'm still loving every minute of it. I LOVE feeling this little dude moving, nudging, bumping, and kicking- and watching it is even more interesting. I'm am simply fascinated by this process and even more fascinated that I get to experience it firsthand. I had come to terms with my infertility and I was actually at a point in my life where I felt I was okay even if I'd never get to experience the full measure of my creation. I was satisfied with becoming a mother through a different means. There would always be the longing and curiosity for what it would be like, but I was so thrilled when I became a mother that it really didn't matter to me how it happened. But how grateful I am for this unexpected experience. It isn't all wonderful and perfect and happy all the time...in fact it's down right uncomfortable most of the time, but at least I get to know that for myself. I get to live it, enjoy it, suffer it, and celebrate it.


Some days I feel like Sarah, Abraham's wife, after she finally conceived and bore Isaac she said, "God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me." (Genesis 21:6)


Funny thing is that's exactly how I felt when I found out that Tyler was going to join our family, so in the end it really is no different. I am so grateful to have experienced this kind of joy in two very different ways.


(okay, so I'm one week shy of being eight months along, but 8 months sounds like a better title for a post than 7 and 3/4 months).

FAQ's

(Tyler showing Daddy where the baby is)

I suppose it's time to answer a few questions about the little surprise I dropped in my last post. Thanks to all of you for your excitement and well wishes.



*Our due date is November 13th (that means as of now, I'm about 19 weeks), but I'm convinced this kiddo is coming two weeks early on Halloween simply because we found out we were pregnant on April Fool's Day and found out the gender on Friday the 13th, so I figure this kid has a bit of a sense of humor.



*No this was absolutely NOT a planned pregnancy. C'mon, after 5 failed IUI attempts we had kinda given up on this possibility. I've been on birth control for the past three years to help control my PCOS and endometriosis, but simply forgot to refill my prescription. GO FIGURE!



*To say the least, we were a little surprised to find out we were expecting. I didn't even suspect it for a couple of months. I mean seriously, I thought I was more likely to get malaria than get pregnant.



*I've really been feeling okay. Since I was clueless for most of the first trimester, I didn't notice much difference. Now the fatigue, heartburn, headaches, and backaches have set in, but by golly, you won't hear me complaining about it. If I recall, at one point in my life I did bargain, beg and plead with the Lord to grant me this experience.



*Our adoption profile has been pulled (LDSFS policy). There was a lot of emotional distress when this occurred, but I'll explain that another time. We are on temporary hold until the baby is born- at which point our profile will be permanently pulled. We can reapply in one year. Don't ask what we plan to do at that point- we're taking this one baby at a time.



*I'm terribly sorry about keeping this under the rug for so long. Over the years we've learned to stay quite guarded with our emotions and part of that is keeping things to ourselves. Infertility attempts fail, miscarriages happen, and adoptions fall through and having experienced all of those, we've learned to protect our hearts. In fact, for the first several weeks, we didn't tell family, and we didn't even talk about it to each other. We pretty much ignored it- that kept us feeling "safe." I know, you'd think I would have been thrilled, but at first I wanted to ignore it, then I was terrified, then fear turned to confusion. It took a while for us to arrive at the "we're excited about this" stage. And I didn't want to tell people until we felt excited.



*And yes, you are all right, Tyler will make a FABULOUS big brother. We told him on Friday after the ultrasound. It was such a sweet moment for our family. His reaction will forever stay in my mind. His face lit up and he said, "I'm going to be a good big brother." I agreed, of course. Then we showed him the pictures that the doctor took of the baby growing in mommy's tummy. He looked at me, wrinkled his nose and accusingly said, "Mommy, did you eat a baby?" I suppose the details are still a little fuzzy! Just today, he very tenderly patted my tummy and said, "There's a baby in your tummy, Mommy." Then he continued playing with his toys and came back a few minutes later and pried my mouth open with his little hands and literally tried to stick his head in my mouth- TWICE. When I pulled away and asked what he was doing, he replied, "I want to see the baby! I'm going to go get him." I couldn't even respond I was laughing so hard.



Well, there you have it. Thanks again, everyone for sharing in our joy! And all I can say is, isn't life interesting?

Fabulous Fun

Thursday night we went spent the night at the Great Wolf Lodge (or Great Woth Wodge Hotel as Tyler likes to call it).

We spent hours swimming, sliding and getting soaked.

We enjoyed lots of treats

We jumped on beds, stayed up WAY too late, and watched cartoons while eating Fruit Loops.

Then Friday afternoon, we went to the Dr. and found out we're having a

BOY

Oh, did I mention I'm pregnant?

Surprise!