You know you're married to an engineer if...

The books on your book shelves have more numbers than words in them.

You have a white board in your home office that usually has what looks like could be a foreign language on it until closer inspection reveals that it's actually a bunch of random graphs and equations...still a foreign language, I suppose.

Your front entry way gets taken over by robots (or wobots- as Tyler calls them).

You have to remind your spouse to remove his helmet and take a shower before doing a little programming.

But as far as engineers go, I think I found the smartest, handsomest, and sweetest of them all. I love you, sweetheart! Good luck with your presentation. Say hi to the Queen for me and please, please, please don't get run over by a double decker bus!!!

Weekend Wrap up...

This past weekend, we drove down to San Antonio to be with my sister, Steph. We left Thursday after John got home from work, which meant we spent our evening on Valentine's Day driving in the car for 5 hours. When we stopped for dinner at Wendy's, I was just glad that I was there because we were "on the road" and not because my husband considered dinner at Wendy's to be a "romantic evening out."

Oh well, at least Tyler had a romantic meal with his sweetheart. Check out Jen's blog for the whole story (the pictures say it all).

Minus the long drive, we had a GREAT time at "Aunt Stethie's" house. Tyler loved playing with his cousins. They wrestled, jumped on the trampoline, played super heroes, and ran around outside. Tyler also really enjoyed Baby Bo...I did too.

On Friday we took the kiddos to the San Antonio rodeo and livestock show, and you know what, we never even saw one single animal! We spent our time watching these 4 boys laugh and giggle on all of the carnival rides.

(Check out the look of terror on the face of the girl in front of Tyler and his cousin Trey- a stark contrast to the satisfying grins on their faces!)



Steph and I got in on some of the rides too. We decided that it was our duty to ride this death contraption after John and Peter were told they were both too tall to ride it. I think we figured SOMEBODY had to ride it...it might as well be us. Plus, mom's don't get to do stuff like that very often. Well, it was a big mistake. We both screamed our guts out while this thing rocketed us around and around, and then we were both completely nauseous afterward. Am I seriously getting too old for this kind of thing???


The best part of the ride was that once we were launched 100 feet in the air, we paused at the top. While dangling by our harnesses (which happened to have duct tape on them...causing me to think twice before getting on that death trap), I watched as John and Tyler got separated from each other. Tyler was running around and John was scrambling to find him. I watched the whole thing play out right before my eyes- neither of them finding each other and Tyler getting more and more lost by the minute. I made a desperate attempt to yell to John, but of course he couldn't hear me from literally 100 feet in the air. I don't know what was more scary- the ride or watching my son get lost in a crowd. I suppose you NEVER stop being a mom- not for one minute.

All in all it was a great weekend with good food, good times, and good laughs. I have the best family and I'm so glad we still have so much fun when we get together.

By the way, props to Steph. She spent the week prior to our visit recovering from the flu and now she's recovering from a monster ear infection. Her doctor wasn't too pleased that I talked her into riding that "flip you upside down death trap of a ride." Sorry Steph- thanks for taking one for the team!

Story Time

Tonight I was reading Tyler's favorite new shark book to him. We got to a picture where there were scuba divers in the water with the sharks. Tyler says to me, "Mommy, here comes the butt." You can imagine how confused I was. I didn't see anything of the sort, and I wondered where Tyler had picked up his new word. We turned the page and Tyler said, "Mommy, the butt is taking pictures of the sharks!" I still couldn't figure it out. Then it hit me. Anyone else remember the part in Finding Nemo when the little fish call the boat a butt and then a scuba diver jumps in the water? Yeah, that's right. Those two things got mixed up in Tyler's little head and he now thinks a scuba diver is called a butt....(thank you, Disney). I laughed so hard and didn't have the heart to correct him, plus it's too dang funny.

On that note, I'll leave you with video of Tyler reading to me one of his other favorite books (thank you Eric Carl).

Friends

I've been thinking a lot about friendship lately and the impact that so many of my friends have had on my life. Through blogging, I've been reconnected with many friends from my childhood. I've been impressed and inspired by who they have become. They were good examples when I was young and continue to be good examples now.

During my early married years, while serving in the RS presidency, the Lord once again placed great friends in my life. These friends helped me through some difficult times, but also helped me have some serious fun. One night Lynette called me to go out to a movie. It just so happened that I was in the middle of infertility treatments and John was out of town. I told her I could go as long as she was willing to come and give me my shot in the bum. She handled that needle like a pro! (a little scary if you ask me).

I still keep in touch with "my girls"- (the other teachers that I taught first grade with). I don't know if I ever would have survived teaching without them. Penny always knew how to cheer everyone up with a "girl's sleep-over" at her cabin, Arlene could brighten my day with a simple piece of chocolate being thrown at my head in the middle of a math lesson, Lisa was a great listener and always had good advice, and Jaimi- let's just say she and I went to the same infertility doc, had the same adoption case worker, taught next door to each other, and each adopted our babies within six months of each other- coincidence? I think not!

I've also been so grateful for the friends that the Lord has placed in my life since we moved here to Texas. Last week, John was out of town so Kristina and Jen ditched book club to spend an evening with me. I loved and appreciated their company. They always know just what I need (typically good food and a lot of laughs)!

The Lord has very carefully place each of these people (and many, many others) in my life during very specific times to meet my very specific needs. What a blessing!

I was reading in the New Testament in John 1:43-51. Jesus goes into Galilee and finds Phillip. He says to Phillip, "Follow me." Phillip then goes to find his friend Nathanael. He tells him that Jesus, who was prophesied to come, is here. Nathanael then asks if anything good can come from Nazareth. Phillip says, "Come and see."

I picture these two as being old friends- the kind that have grown up together, studied together, worked together, and played together (that's just gospel according to Carrie). But I love that when Phillip finds Christ, he wants nothing more then for his friend to also see Jesus. His loving, inviting words to his friend, "Come and see" have been in my mind as I have thought of all the ways my friends over the years have invited me to "Come and see."

I have been so blessed during every stage of my life to have had friends who have led me to Christ simply because of the way they chose to live their lives. The Lord knows that I am the type of person that NEEDS friends, and in some cases I have literally prayed them into my life (but that story is for another post). I am so grateful for the friends that He has placed along my path who have uplifted, inspired, taught, supported, and cared for me, and who have ultimately invited me to “come and see.”

A Child's Prayer

Last night it was Tyler's turn to say family prayer. This is what he was thankful for:

AMEN to that!

Lions, Tigers, and Wranglers...Oh my!!!

A trip to Cabelas is always an interesting experience.

You may be there to pick up a few of these:

Or one of these:

But most likely, if you're like us, you're there to see some of these:

And these:

And to try your hand at this:

And if you're lucky, you'll come home with one of these for your next camping trip. And of course, you'll have to try it out!

Our Story

My thoughts have frequently turned to adoption lately. I'm not sure if it's because I'm baby hungry, anxious about how long our next adoption will take, or just so in love with my sweet Tyler lately that I would love a second dose...I just don't know. I've also recently been intrigued by posts, articles and links found at the r house blog. Mrs. R does a phenomenal job of spreading a positive message about adoption. I suppose that's what has inspired me to type up a few of my thoughts and experiences from our own adoption journey. (I broke this story up into 9 different posts...long I know. But hey, I didn't write it for you. I really wrote it for me. so if you want the whole story be sure to visit "older posts").

As with all other adoption stories, ours starts out with a happy couple ready and excited to start a family. John and I quickly became pregnant when we first started trying (about two years after we were married). Unfortunately, at about three months along, I miscarried. I rarely, if ever, talk about being pregnant. It was so long ago and for such a short time and it was so sadly taken away from me that I try not to think about it. As emotionally painful as the miscarriage was, it wasn't the hard part. The hard part was the nagging feeling John and I both had that getting pregnant again was going to be much more difficult (little did we know it would be next to impossible). Looking back, I realize that it was the spirit preparing us for our most difficult trial. I suppose it made loosing that pregnancy all the more difficult. I remember talking to my doctor after my surgery for the miscarriage. He said to me, "Well, at least we know you can get pregnant." It was at that moment that I knew. I wanted to grab his white coat by the collar and say to him, "You are so wrong!"


Several months later, it became apparent that our nagging feeling was no longer a nagging feeling. We saw an infertility specialist who diagnosed me with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) as well as moderate endometriosis. It was such a relief to know there really was something wrong with me and that it wasn't all just in my head. It was also reassuring knowing what the cause of our infertility was. Our doctor gave us hope and a course of action. We began with two failed artificial insemination attempts and then it was recommended I undergo surgery. I still had great hope for the outcome of all of our efforts. I thought to myself, "I'll get pregnant after this surgery and our trial will be over." It soon became apparent that that wasn't the plan. We proceeded with three more inseminations, each giving us greater insight and knowledge about my condition in order to further our chances with the next attempt. I soon became the patient that I'd seen in the office during my early visits- the patient who knew all the nurses by name, had been in for visits on holidays and weekends and who even brought bagels to the staff during Saturday morning visits. I was the patient whose husband could give injections better then some nurses, and I was the patient who was now learning that the road she was traveling was the wrong road.

A Bumpy Road

During this time, my main goal was not to become bitter. I didn't want this trail to ruin my relationship with my husband or with God. I think because of that, those relationships grew stronger. John was so tender and supportive. He was in it every step of the way. He went with me to appointments, took care of me after procedures, learned how to put ice packs on my sore hips from all the injections, and he even put up with my emotional meltdowns.

We decided that we needed to have a common goal...something to work toward besides getting pregnant. That's when our love for biking began. We each got a road bike and began training and participating in competitive events. The hours of talking, crying, laughing, and riding hard was better than therapy, plus we got to go on some pretty darn cool rides and events. I will never regret our "together years" simply because I cherish that time we had with just the two of us.

It's hard to explain what it was like riding that emotional roller coaster. Each time we started a new cycle, the expectations grew higher and higher, and the emotional fall each time things failed took us lower and lower. Our hearts ached to become parents. I was a little angry that my body couldn't do what God created it to do, and ultimately, that meant I couldn't become who I was supposed to become (or so I felt). All along, though, I never questioned God's love for me. I knew that ultimately He did have a plan for our family. I just wish I knew what it was, but I suppose that's what faith is all about. This conference talk really helped me during some hard times

The Journey Continues

After a total of 5 artificial insemination attempts, we knew it was time to pursue another course. For some reason, I still hadn't emotionally given up on the infertility route. I hadn't had a chance to mourn that loss or even to let it go, but I knew it was time to open every door of opportunity. I figured if I did EVERYTHING in my power to be a mother, the Lord would choose the right way for it to happen.

At this point, I was emotionally numb. I had learned to protect myself by never getting my hopes up. I questioned every perceived answer to prayer simply because I had done everything I'd felt we were prompted to do and nothing was working. I didn't feel I had enough faith to make anything happen....but John did. He encouraged me to at least start the adoption process and if it didn't feel right or if I became pregnant, we'd know it wasn't the right path for us. I took his lead and held on to his faith.

We met with our caseworker and began the grueling paperwork process. This was the spring of 2004. John was just finishing his Master's degree at BYU, and we were pretty sure we'd be moving sometime in the near future, but we thought we should get started anyway. By July we were done and approved with a profile that was sent out to our agency as well as the surrounding agencies in Utah. John was finished with his degree at this point, but no job offers had come. We could not figure out why we were still in Utah. John taught at BYU and I told my principal I would be returning to teach that fall given that my husband hadn't found a job yet.

By the end of August John finally had a job offer. It was in Albany, New York. We were excited to be starting a new journey. Well, it turned out that our departure from Utah was once again delayed. John's job required an extensive background check that we were told can sometimes take up to 8 months. I think the Lord was just buying more time. He had it all planned out almost to the very day.

A few months later (mid October), John's clearance came- much sooner than we anticipated. We were set to move to New York in November. I was excited and distraught all at the same time. Excited for the new start we'd have, but distraught about what my life would be like. I would quit my job, move to a strange place, leave my family and friends, and I didn't have a baby. I looked in to teaching in NY- it didn't look good. I would have to wait until the next school year to start. I panicked. Our adoption papers had only been in a short time, and we'd have to transfer them to a new state, so I headed back to my doctor and had some tests done and talked about getting on a fast track start for IVF as a last ditch effort.

The next Sunday, I headed to my bishop for counsel. I sat in his office sobbing. I felt lost. I didn't even know who I was anymore. I'd be leaving everything that defined me. I wasn't a mom yet, but at least I had a career. That was what defined me. Now that we were moving to NY, I didn't even have that. I wanted him to tell me who I was supposed to be (sounds weird, but I went through a MAJOR identity crisis). All he said to me is, "don't worry. I know it'll happen soon." How right he was.

Good News

The very next day, October 18, 2004, I received a call from my doctor's office. It was bad news. They were letting me know that I was not a good candidate for this particular kind of IVF. I figured it was just as well. At least I could move on. I wasn't too disappointed, simply because I knew that meant that the Lord must have another plan- little did I know that plan was well in place.

About an hour later, I was in my bedroom and heard a knock at the door. John answered it and quickly came to get me. He looked terrified and said, "um...I think it's for you...you need to come quick." I thought we were being robbed. I headed to the door and saw a woman holding a camera in front of her face. I couldn’t tell just who it was, so I smiled and kind of looked at her, but she wouldn't move the camera. After standing there with a confused look on my face, I looked down and at my feet were two blue booties and a letter. I then recognized the woman with the camera as Shanna Bake, our case worker. I fell apart. Oh the tears! I could barely speak and could hardly pick up the booties I was shaking so badly. John was smiling a huge goofy grin with tears running down his cheeks. (Side note: I should explain that when John first opened the door, he saw the booties and wondered if it was some cruel joke or if it was like some relief society thing. He just couldn't commit to the thought that it might be what he thought it was. That's why he was so shaken up).

It took me forever to remember to invite our caseworker in. my head was just spinning. We finally came in and sat down and she proceeded to tell us about this sweet birth mother, J, who had selected us to be the parents of her precious baby. Shanna also happened to be J's caseworker (which is unusual for Utah), so she knew all about her. We read the letter from J and continued to cry some more. She was due December 23rd. We told Shanna that our move to New York was coming up in a few weeks, but we said, "We'll stay if we need to-whatever we have to do!" She told us to move there, get ready for a baby, and come back when he was born. We chatted, asked LOTS of questions, and learned a little more about J. My love for this sweet woman was instantaneous, even though I had never met her...and my love for her has grown even more since that day.

After Shanna left, we made a few phone calls, one of course was to our bishop who had no idea how right his words the day before had been. We then headed out to buy some flowers to drop off the next day at the agency for J to pick up (that's how correspondence worked at the time). It was late and most stores were closed, except for Costco. We could hardly concentrate at a simple task such as selecting flowers. We couldn't stop smiling and had this inner urge to shout to everyone in the store, "We're going to be parents!!!" Needless to say, we didn't sleep a wink that night. We giggled lots and shared thoughts like, "what do you think he'll look like?" "How do you think J is doing?" "What do you think she's like?" "Will she like us when she meets us?" "What are we going to name this little guy?!?" It went on like that ALL night.

Getting Ready

The next few weeks were a whirlwind. We had so much fun watching the smiles and tears of our family and friends as they celebrated with us when we told them our happy news. We busied ourselves with getting ready for a move and a baby, and I did my best to prepare my students and classroom for a changing of the guard (sometime I'll have to share the heartbreaking story of telling my students I was leaving). There was even enough time to squeeze in a surprise baby shower or two!

During this busy time, we also had our face to face meeting with J. That is another day I'll never forget. I left work early to meet John at the agency. I was so nervous that I started to cry in the waiting room. When we walked into Shanna's office, there in her chair was the cutest pregnant gal I've ever seen. We hugged, and then began the process of getting to know each other better. I was stunned by J's beauty- both inside and out. There was something about her that just shined. She had the most beautiful blue eyes and I remember telling her that I hoped he'd have her eyes...he does.

We talked and talked. Our caseworker would jump in every now and then to help us remember questions we had for each other, but it really was easy talking to her. We had hoped to meet once more before moving, but there was no time. We wrote letters back and forth, and boy I can tell you I have never prayed for anyone harder than I prayed for J at that time. She was always on my mind. I wondered if she was okay, and if she was really strong enough to do what the Lord was asking of her at this time.

The best news and the best day

We moved to New York at the end of November (John actually moved out two weeks prior. I stayed so that I could be with my students through Thanksgiving). We thought we had close to a month to get ready for this baby. Two weeks after moving, on December 14, I came home from running errands to hear a message on my voice mail from our caseworker. J had gone into labor that morning. Our baby was coming! I sat with tears rolling down my face in the quiet of the evening as my thoughts quickly turned to J. I prayed.

Then the frantic events unfolded. I called John, he raced home and worked on arranging flights while I frantically threw clothes, gifts, and baby items in to suit cases. We slept maybe two hours. When I awoke I realized that I was way more rested then I should have been given the time we were supposed to wake up. I looked at the clock...the alarm had failed to go off! We threw luggage into the car and sped off to the airport. We still had just enough time, that is until we got pulled over. You can imagine my panic at this point. Maybe the officer could sense that I was about to loose it, and I was. I was ready to go into the whole story of how we HAD to make our flight so that we could go get our baby. He gave us a warning and sent us on our way. We arrived in Utah and spent the day with my family, and tried to emotionally prepare for the next day's events when we would meet our baby boy.

The next day we got up early, cause who's sleeping anyway? We took some time to write letters and prepare a few gifts we had for J. It was emotionally intense. I cried and prayed all morning. I knew what J was preparing for, and my heart ached for her...literally ached. We stopped by Babies R Us on our way to the hospital and then headed over. We met our caseworker, finished up some paperwork, and then she escorted us to J's room. There she was and there he was. We met her parents...wonderful, they were wonderful, and I was SO glad they were there to help their sweet daughter. We talked and cried and giggled at every little mouse squeak Tyler made. He was beautiful. It was soon time to go. We said our tearful good-byes and parted ways. That day was sacred.


We brought home our tiny little bundle and showed him off to my family and then hid away for a bit to bond with our new, precious one. We held him, hugged him, kissed him, and watched his every waking (and sleeping) moment. We both got up for every feeding the first several nights. He was just such a miracle and we couldn't take our eyes off of him! I thought a lot about J during those days. We set up an email and corresponded through letters and pictures so that she would know how things are going (and we still do). I prayed so intensely for her (and still do). I cried for her, but took the advice of our case worker and tried not to let my sadness for her get in the way of bonding with our child. It was a difficult balance.

Sweet Memories

That Christmas was the best I've ever had, and nothing will ever top it. I loved the quiet, soft moments holding my sweet baby boy. We spent almost two and a half weeks in Utah waiting for our Interstate Compact paperwork to be completed. New York wanted to make it next to impossible to bring our baby back home, but with a little help from some smart attorneys, things got straightened out and we were cleared for take off. I dreaded flying with a 2 1/2 week old, but Ty did great...much better than his nervous mommy. I glared at anyone who so much as coughed in our general vicinity. We made it home to New York with our family of three. It was fun returning to church. The members of our ward were SO confused. I had only been there twice before Ty was born. I had several people look at me funny and then ask, "I didn't think you were pregnant?" We had a bit of explaining to do.

Official and Eternal

Fast forward 6 months and it was time to return to Utah for our court finalization as well as for our temple sealing. Both experiences were wonderful. The judge assigned to us was so great. He explained that all of the other hours of his day are spent with broken families and broken lives (he charges DUI's, thefts, abuse cases, etc), but this one session each week, he gets to legalize families. He acknowledged that he was only making lawful what we already knew in our hearts- that Tyler was ours.

The next day, July 8, we went to the temple to make Tyler ours forever. It was beautiful and sacred. I thought about J that day (as I do most days), and I couldn't help but think of how brave she was. She played such a sacred role in all of this. She very literally helped the Lord create an eternal family. Think of it. She had the spiritual maturity to make such a powerful decision and then she had the strength of character to follow through. She is my hero. I think after that day, I really began to understand what it means to be sealed eternally as a family. What a blessing- I will cherish the memory of that day all my life!

Where are things today?

(View our profile by clicking here or by visiting www.itsaboutlove.org)

So where are we now today? We recently completed the long process of filling out the paperwork and completing an online profile through LDS Family Services for a second adoption. So now we wait. Many of you ask how long it will take. I REALLY wish I had an answer to that. We are told that the average wait is 1-2 years, but that's where we hope YOU can help us. We either wait until a birth mother selects us from the overwhelmingly large list of couples hoping to adopt or we can find eachother through a common friend or family member. So we ask you to please mention us to your friends and neighbors, to your extended families, to physicians and other medical personnel who might have contact with birth parents who are considering various options for an unplanned pregnancy. Thanks for your love, prayers, and support. It is our testimony that the Lord has a plan for each of his precious little ones. We are mindful of that as we move forward with faith.

Running

(This picture is from my happier running days)

The other day John told me I should post something about my running (glad I have at least one reader our there).


So here it is honey.....

DEFEATED!!!

That's how I feel about my running these days. My Cowtown half marathon goal has been demoted to the Cowtown 10k. About 4 weeks ago, I came down with an upper respiratory infection. Dear old doc told me not to run until I was done with the antibiotic and not to run outside in the cold until I stopped coughing (many of you won't believe me, but yes, it does get cold in Texas). My treadmill and I have become dear friends, but I gotta draw the line somewhere. I don't do more than an hour on that thing- the boredom will kill you! Fast forward 4 weeks and I'm still coughing like a smoker! Arrrrrg, what is up with that? To make matters worse, my knee injury from last year's half marathon is starting to flare up again.

And all the while I'm running, I think to myself, "I'd rather be on my bike."

So there you have it. That's how my running is going. Thank goodness biking season is on its way!



Oh and did I mention that when I do run outside, I push my 43lb kid in our 40lb jogging stroller? He is my most loyal running buddy (since two months old), but seriously, when is he old enough to ride his bike along side me for 5 miles? Is that too much to ask of a three year old? I'm only half way joking.