My thoughts on open adoption...continued

(this is the rest of a story that was started in the previous post)

And so it was. I sent out an email to Tyler's birth mother asking her if she'd like to meet us for lunch. It was short notice since we would only be in Utah for another week and I felt so bad about kind of springing it on her like that. Keep in mind that this would be the first time she's seen Tyler since she so tenderly placed him in our arms over six years ago. For us adults, these types of things take time to process! I realized that this was a lot to ask. I also felt bad that because I had been slow to act on those promptings, John wouldn't be able to join us. He had to return to Texas for work. He was quite disappointed about that, but we both felt like we should move ahead with our plans, for Tyler's sake.


I received a quick response from Ty's birth mom (we'll call her J). She was willing and excited to meet with us, even though it was short notice! Later she would tell me basically that she trusted John and I and knew that if we felt like it was a good thing for Tyler, then she wanted it for him too. Amazing. I think it is safe to say that we all want what is best for Ty- his needs and wants in this whole adoption are our top priority.


We arranged to meet at a park near her work during her lunch break. When I told Tyler the news, he was very excited and then told his grandma and grandpa that he was going to meet his birth mom the next day, and then he added "because I've never met her and I don't know what she looks like." He was so sweet, excited and matter of fact.


I won't go into all the details of our meeting because some things are just special and private. But it was awesome. I think we were all nervous at first, but probably Tyler least of all. He wasn't the least bit focused on internalizing the whole situation (just how I wanted it). The boys sat and ate their lunches on a park bench, which was perfect because it kept them sitting and engaged. She asked him questions, he told her stories and details from his little six year old life, we took a few pictures, and then the boys went and played on the playground while J and I sat on a bench and chatted for a few more minutes. It was fun to ask her questions like "so who do you think he looks like?" and "where does he get that thick hair?!" -details that will be fun to share with him someday when he's older and actually understands genetics (although the pictures will speak for themselves. He looks just like her!).


And with that, we said our good-byes, gave a few last hugs, and that was it. It was short, simple, and perfect. As we drove away Tyler said to me, "So THAT'S what she looks like!" I think that one statement sums up exactly what I had hoped to accomplish that day- to clarify and remove any questions that he had in his little mind...and that seemed to be the only one!


As for me, this brief meeting allowed me one more opportunity to thank the woman with whom our hearts are eternally linked. I can't tell you how happy it made me to see her again, and to see her happy and doing so well. She is my hero. I am humbled each time I ponder the sacred role she played in bringing Tyler to us.


As I hugged J one last time, I whispered thank you in her ear. But it wasn't just thank you for being so gracious and meeting with us today. It wasn't even thank you for taking time away from your work and your busy schedule. It also wasn't simply thank you for staying in touch, even if at times it might have been difficult and painful. My thank you to her was so much more than all of that. It was thank you for bringing the most precious gift into our lives over six years ago. Thank you for making our family whole and complete. Thank you for granting me the greatest desire of my heart- to become a mother. Thank you for showing me the true meaning of sacrifice and selflessness. Thank you for showing me what true love looks like. Thank you for being strong and courageous in the face of heartache and agony. Thank you for the joy you have brought to our lives. Thank you.